CURRENTLY IN PRODUCTION: The Fundamentals Of Ritual Magic!!!

The nine laws of your magical cat

wicca Aug 03, 2017

Wikipedia tells us that: In European folklore and folk-belief of the Medieval and Early Modern periods, familiar spirits (sometimes referred to simply as "familiars" or "animal guides") were believed to be supernatural entities that would assist witches and cunning folk in their practice of magic.

A familiar can be any kind of animal, but the most commonly known familiar is the  witches cat.   In the spirit of good humor I have compiled some words of wisdom for you about tips for living in harmony with, and understanding the inter-dimensional quantum physics laws, of your familiars' capabilities.

1. Your familiar is capable of manipulating time.  You know that rule that says "East is where the witch says it is?"  Well... the same applies to your familiars' feeding schedule.  Breakfast is when your familiar says it is.  And yes some mornings it is 6 AM, and some mornings there may be mercy and you get to sleep till 6:05.  Other days 6 AM is really 4 AM in disguise.  

2.  Your familiar has a keen sense of right and wrong.  Speaking of dinner, when your cat quietly stares at you while sitting motionless outside of your window  when you have just come home from a long day of witchery at the castle, managed to sit down and put your feet up......and he's still staring, like for several minutes to an hour..... it's because he's waiting patiently.....with that steely solid and unblinking stare...... for you to do the right thing.  

3.  Get used to the idea that your familiar has magical, Harry Potter like abilities, much like the spatial distortion properties of magical tents, or Hermione's purse. It is a magical rule, that a foot long cat, can easily dominate an entire California King bed, in such a remarkable way, that there is literally no room for you to sleep in it......even if he is laying on the corner at the foot. Trust me on this.  I know.   Additionally there is an ancient saying in druid lore that teaches, one should never disturb a resting animal.  This means that when your familiar has effectively enlarged his aura to dominate your bed,  you need to surrender to the reality that you will be sleeping sideways with one leg hanging off the edge all night long.  Better that, then be breaking ancient druid rules, cause you know....... clearly not recommended.  

3. Your familiars' fur can transform into velcro on demand.  This means it won't take long for you to realize, that in the middle of the night, should you forget about rule number three above, and you do actually deign to disturb your sleeping will be to no avail.  No amount of foot or leg movement on your part will move him one inch.  He is literally attached to his position, and he will ride the waves of your tossing and turning while maintaining a profound deep meditation state of nirvanic bliss.......and your legs will still be stuck.   Your cat is a martial arts master and you Grasshopper are still in the beginning stages of kick box training in your sleep. 

4.  The "law of the book", (not to be confused with "The Book Of The Law") When a book is closed, it is to be ignored.  When a book is open and is actively being read, it is to be used for sitting or laying on top of.  When a book is laying on the middle of the floor with miles of open space and several comfey pillows around, it is still to be used for laying on top of.  It is your responsibility to find a "reasonable" time to read and study your spells, which will not disrupt his need to sit on your spell book when you have it open.  This is an exercise in stealth. You are in training.  

5.  Yes invisible fairies do exist.  Your familiar can often be observed playing with them and running amok chasing what appears to be thin air for seemingly no good reason what so ever. You must believe Grasshopper.  Your cat is wiser and keener of sight then you. 

6. You know that physics law, that says two objects cannot inhabit the same  space at one time?  Your familiar defies this law.  This is most commonly observed while trying to walk to the feed dish to put the food in it.  You will notice that his body is exactly where your foot needs to be, each step of the way. This is exceedingly treacherous, and makes getting to the food dish promptly, strangely impossible.   It's like a buddhist koan that says "to feed me, you must not arrive at the food dish." Yea...I don't know either.  I'm still working on it. 

7.  Your familiar is the only creature on earth that can toy with and tease a dragon safely.  Lizards are dragons you fool.  Don't you know anything? How do you not know this?  And don't think that not being able to actually read your fantastical beasts book when he's sitting on it, is any excuse for your lack of education on this matter. 

8.  Fuzzy cat toy ball with a bell?  Really?  That's so last year.  Now getting his claws into your long flowy robe hem as you walk by is an entirely different matter. Extra points for flesh. 

9.  Your cat is a mythical scholar.  If you will please observe he has taken the initiative to modify the concept of the ouroboros which for those of you who may not know, is the symbol of the snake eating it's own tail. What does this modification of myth mean in cat speak?  It means his butt WILL BE in your face and his tail WILL be in YOUR mouth, or up your nose, or in your eyeball.  This is also known as the exercise of re-inacting a myth by "assuming the god form" and this will usually happen while the "law of the book" is being actively invoked.  Your familiar is a more advanced magician then you are, he can do two things at once.  And for your final consideration, his adept skills at assuming the godform in this capacity are with the intention of teaching you that "silence is golden".... so keep your mouth closed if you don't want to be spitting out cat hair for the next ten minutes. 

At the end of the day sleeping sideways, being magically mind controlled, and constantly challenged in your scholastic endeavors is worth the long term companionship of your magical friend. So remember to "do the right thing", read up on your fantastical beasts, and practice becoming a time master ninja,  follow and be mindful of these guidelines and you'll have a long and prosperous magical journey together. 

Monique Lockhart

Copyright August 2017




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