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The Underworld Diaries: Hell of An Equinox

the underworld diaries Oct 05, 2017

I had grand intentions of ushering in the equinox, formally known as Mabon, with some marvelous idea that I would write yet another post on the meaning of this Wiccan holiday, because there is only about ten million books and other posts just like it out there.  Well that didn't happen.  It's probably just as well.   The Underworld Diaries is the part of my blog where I give myself permission to be a little more transparent about my personal process and my raw thoughts, philosophies, opinions and observations about daily life.  So let me tell you how Mabon was really celebrated this year here at the underworld temple. 

With the underworld Gods as my household deities, usually when Autumn Equinox comes around, I grieve the loss of summer very mildly, and get ready to huddle in for the winter, crochet on my blanket, do my bead work, and enter the cave thoughtfully, calmly and slowly. This year though.... there was no entering the cave slowly and quietly. It was more like jumping straight down the rabbit hole while screaming cowabunga, or running for cover to dodge the global bullets, and the missiles, and the hurricanes, and the volcanoes, and......ad nauseum. The Sun changed and the weather immediately got colder, which is actually not unusual for the area I live in. It's a very noticeable demarcation. I grieve the loss of summer because I don't like being cold. I'm basically a reptile. I'm happy on the hottest rock I can find to lay on with my feet in the pool, so when Fall hits, I'm cold for the next six months and like Persephone, I live for Spring, and this makes me a little cranky during the dark half of the year when I can't feel my toes.

Then there is the part of Mabon this year, where suddenly after two months of missing a period for the first time ever (welcome to pre menopause), the bleeding started on the equinox two weeks ago and has lasted for 13 days. I'm fairly sure there must be a vampire in the house somewhere because I don't think there is any blood left in my body at this time. My new reality is now about multi vitamins and Iron supplements, as well as not having any clue at all what my cycle is anymore. Hail Hecate...Crone of Witches, apparently I'll be getting to know you better as the days come.

During this time, since the Equinox I had two requests for two different people to do some really heavy underworld ritual, emotional rage and grief release work which actually went very well as far as I can tell. It's one of my specialties, facilitating underworld transformational rituals for specific individual needs, and I'm happy to do it.  No, no... there was no lovey dovey harvest festival rituals happening here this year with pomegranate decorations.  What there was , was a lots of screaming and sobbing, and blowing of noses.  Along with my magical tools, I sported a small garbage can, and the holy sacred roll of toilet paper (since I was out of kleenex).  Along with sobbing and screaming there was age regressing and shouting into a candle, (carved with protection runes with the holy sacred thumb-tack)  that then gets burned in a big rustic metal burn cauldron that I salvaged from the scrap metal laying around my step dads construction shop, with a bunch of paper wrapped around this candle.  Forget this lighting the wick thing, this shiznit goes up in a blaze of glory, spitting, sizzling, popping and smoking with kindling under it.  So here I am, plunging down the underworld entrance, bleeding buckets like crazy, with two sobbing women in my living room two days in a row, all the while thinking to myself....”self... I should have purchased my own candle for this ritual working and joined in the party myself, cause I'm thinking I have some of my own issues right now too that I wouldn't mind putting some kindling underneath." Separating hormones from issues though is a little tricky, two boxes of pads and 13 days later. 

Next I managed to get attacked in my dream last night by some Enochian, double headed ,snake demon, from the Cthulu abyss of the mind of the “Mad Arab “; or of some grand evil grimoire somewhere. So there I was, minding my own business... sleeping..... dreaming.... when suddenly slithering on top of me and ready to, I don't know, crawl up my nose or something, is this creepy ass “thing”. I know I've seen a picture of it before somewhere but in what book or where I couldn't tell you. Lucid dream states are really fascinating. I've had hundreds of them ever since I was a child. I'm sleeping, but I'm awake. So I'm looking at this “thing”. I know it's a dream. I know why it's happening. I know what triggered it. I know what my instructors told me. I'm not really afraid of it visually. It was the whole weird lucid sensory overload that usually gets the best of me in the end... so I know all of these logical things as I'm staring at said “thing” on top of me...not REALLY afraid of it... but decided after unsuccessfully projecting what I thought might be an appropriate symbol of protection at it, to rid myself of it, change of plans... lets just wake up screaming even though you are technically not afraid of it, because, it's just a creepy ass looking “thing”.   And... it's ON me.  And it really needs to get OFF of me. Like... immediately. This resulted in waking up with a few expletives in the wee hours, and a slightly more un-blocked throat chakra, (you gotta take your victories where you can when confronting your double headed snake demons unsuccessfully). I guess that means I officially failed the audition for lead in Buffy The Vampire Slayer,  <sigh>, but I might have landed a part in Supernatural, since those boys tend to get their butts kicked now and then.    My wee hour utterances were followed by the necessary humbling of my ceremonial magic, student ego, that it's time to backtrack and hit the books again instead of getting too far ahead of myself in the Golden Dawn because you know, I had been warned. Alright! Alright! Uncle! Slithering 15th century goetic snake creature from the abysmal lagoon equals ALL BAD. You don't have to tell me twice. I'm kind of rushing things, but only because it was a really interesting read, but I clearly still have some elemental homework to finish before Adept grade work. :)

Actually I'm of the opinion, that if you are going to be an occult teacher, you really still need to keep being a student and continue to be reminded by other adepts much higher on the food chain then yourself, of your own student foibles. It just keeps you honest in this business. And I am very thankful once again to have competent guidance that I can actually interact with, in my studies after having gone for many years without it when my first teacher, friend and mentor died. During those years, void of my personal Merlin, I really didn't have anyone to turn to for my own ceremonial magic questions, so I've learned a lot of what I know through the school of hard knocks, which is not really the recommended strategy for learning magic. It just happened to be my path and apparently it couldn't be helped. So if you are reading this, you know who you are, it's very nice to have a safe place to turn to for a change, and I'm grateful.

Snake demon aside...how many earthquakes have we counted? Threats of nuclear war. Hurricanes running amok, a psychopath running the nation, Nazis.... Nazis??? Really??? The ring of fire rumbling, Las Vegas insanity....and don't forget the bounced check and a stack of bills on my desk. (This is starting to sound like a Billy Joel song).  Friends or family melting down all around me. I got a text from a friend of mine about 15 minutes ago, and her list of tales of woe was probably longer then this blog...But then she has the same astrological moon with it's transit that I do...so I told her, we just have to hang in there for......... six...... more........ months. Because that is when Uranus moves off of our moon sign. I've got this. We've got this... You've got this...Don't worry, NOTHING is under control, we don't actually have any of this, but we've got this anyway.

Summer has only been over for two weeks and I'm already exhausted, and I'm already tired of winter.

I had to take a step back today and realize that very little has been working the way I wanted or planned. Brand new online class launch learning curve, means back to the drawing board as a newbie online entrepreneur. This menopause business which I'm not even ready for clearly requires some hormonal balancing and personal health attention in the middle of all of the external madness. This gave me an opportunity today to sort and organize my essential oil cabinet. Which has been collecting dust and not being utilized for far too long. It's amazing to me how I can give clients massages all day, facilitate rituals for others, and forget to ever do or use any of this magical healing stuff for myself. So I took a time out today, and made myself a hormonal balancing formula and actually used it. And wonder of wonders, I felt better soon afterwards. It's all a wake up call. We can't just go about putting out fires. We have to take time for our own inner maintenance and actually HEAL something, and that includes our issues, our health, our space and our mental well being. And of course, as much as I'm teaching classes for my lovely ladies who have been with me all year, and who I adore, I too must be accountable and go back and do my own magical homework and hit my own books. You have to find what motivates you. So when I'm lagging behind in my own studies it might do me well to remember how I feel about the next time I see that "effing" snake demon thing from someplace called where-ever from the cosmological stone age; or any of his cousins, trying to slither up my nose... or in my ear..., his tail is mine. Which clearly means I probably shouldn't confront said demon again anytime soon, realistically; because I can talk as big as I want but until I earn that Enochian degree and the knowledge that comes with it, and take off the Mickey Mouse ears, his tail is sooooo not mine yet. I gotta work for that one. It might take a while. 

Which brings me to my next point. The thing to know about Enochian magic is that you shouldn't even touch it until you are properly guided, initiated and aligned through the elemental and outer grades of the Golden Dawn or equivalent system. It is dangerous. It is potentially madness. It is reserved for the Adept degrees. It is mentally de-stabalizing and without proper preparation, not much good can come of it. So unless you want snake demons crawling on your chest at 3 AM in the morning in a hypnogogic state of mind, I recommend leaving it alone till you've progressed through your occult lessons and accomplishments in the proper order. And don't be a rebellious student. With that I am now going to take my sun loving reptile tail between my legs, and go make some pot stickers because I'm hungry. Then I'm going to hit the books and hermetically seal my living room and leave the problems of the outer world for tomorrow because the problems of the inner world have to be meditated upon tonight.

Then I will settle in for the rest of the winter, building more courses for you to choose from, getting my shit together which has been strewn from hell to breakfast lately. I will be going through files, purging, letting go and communing with the land of the shades. What is dead must die, so that what can grow, will grow. As I get more clear in my own process and make sense of what is inside of my head, sort my papers and my notes and make a plan, I will be more clear and more present for all of you. I have been frustrated and overwhelmed. But I will find my way to clarity. Astrology tells me that clarity is just six more months away. So lets all huddle in for the winter, stock up on hot chocolate and some proper munchies, get your winter blanket out for a season of snuggling and let us keep vigilance, and maintain some semblance of order in this world of chaos until the Sun returns again.  

Light In Extension

 

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